Let’s start here.
1999.
I’m six years old and a child commercial model.
Also a runway model for the MATTEL Barbie clothing line.
Granted I didn’t have too much success.
Even as a six year old, I didn’t have ‘the right look.’
We gave up.
1999.
My sister is eleven.
She has much more success than I do.
Then she hits 12.
She’s ‘too short’ at 5’5”.
She’s dropped.
Nine years later.
2008.
My sister starts fashion photography.
I become her primary model.
It’s fun.
She gains popularity and connections from agencies.
And we meet models.
And we start to see through their eyes.
Not so fun.
Some of the models we know are absolutely content with their choice of lifestyle, but there are also quite a few who have lost the light that once shined in their piercing eyes. Some who are so broken and frail, not only in their demeanour but in their physical aspects as well. Some who have been victimized and scandalized by photographers and agents. Some, who complain and dread, but continue in hopes of their ‘big break’. And some who are so desensitized by it all that they do it because it’s all they know.
Modelling is glamourized to such an extent that young girls aspire, with all their spirit to become one of these dolled-up beauties on the cover of the popular magazines. Parents will say don’t dream of such grandeur or you would never make it… but how often do we hear them say the life of a model is stressful and heartbreaking, the world will continuously tell you you are not good enough and it could, and most likely will, kill you inside?
And that’s just it.
You will never be ‘the it girl’ in a market that changes everyday. In a world where small noses, thick eyebrows and large ears are popular one day, and the next, the exact opposite, it is only in high hopes that you will get work.
Hearing that you are not what the agency/agent/scout/booker/stylist/artist/photographer/director is looking for looking for, whether it be discreetly or bluntly becomes the norm.
Some girls can handle it.
Others break after so many cuts to their self esteem.
For privacy’s sake, I’ll call her ‘W’.
W is a friend, a model.
W was signed with a very popular modelling agency and was sent to work in Europe.
W, who is so uniquely beautiful and healthy was told that she needed to lose weight.
W decided that she needed to take control of her life, and she quit.
W is a strong and confident woman who I’m glad to call my friend.
But if she were any less confident, she could have been ripped apart.
Ultimately what I’m trying to say is that this industry is so hurtfully depressing.
It can be fun.
But it can also change you forever.
People ask me why I don’t take my modelling career further than it already is.
This is why.
Because I know my limitations. I know myself.
