Doubt.

Lately I've been doubting myself a lot and I realize that this is the exact same problem I had when I was younger.

Doubting my intelligence, talent, beauty... friendships.

Just doubting everything.

I didn't get into all the second year programs I applied to, more importantly, I didn't get into the ones I was meant to get into (according to my parents and sister).
I doubt I'll ever be something they want me to be.

My cosplays don't get nearly as much recognition as they should... well, at least that's what I first think. Then I think, 'maybe I don't deserve the attention. Maybe I'm just a shit costumer'...
I doubt i'm as talented in the eyes of others as I claim to be.

Beauty.... I fight to convince myself daily that my body is beautiful and I am deserving of my pageant crowns and sashes... but maybe I'm not. Maybe i'm fooling myself with make-up and lighting and well angled selfies.
Maybe i'm not so beautiful.

And my best friend. My beautiful best friend who would probably hit me for this.. but I will always, in the back of my mind think that I am not worthy of her. That i'm just annoying her, and that truly she tells other people that i'm a leach that has attached to her and won't let go. I fear when people ask her who her best friend is, that she says someone else's name, or worse, 'all my friends are my best friends!'....
I doubt her friendship, and I shouldn't, but I do, and I can't not.

Admittedly, I doubt my own being. I doubt what I can do. I doubt what I am. I doubt what I might be. I doubt those around me.
And this is why I'm fading again.

because i'm doubting my existence.