We met in November at a formal, Harry Potter themed 'Yule Ball' dance, and this wonderful guy named Isaac asked me to dance... he was cute and fun and I really liked him, he even gave me a kiss on the cheek. I was so happy, the happiest I'd been since months before when when ex-boyfriend had dumped me. This random guy who I had just met, picked me from a table of girls to dance with, and had instantly made my night. We danced and talked and laughed and hugged. After the dance I wrote my name on his ticket and he on my hand. We added each other on Facebook and got to talking.
Found out we had quite a bit in common too, he seemed wonderful, I had fallen. Then he disappeared for a little while and I gave up on him...
Until February 1st... When he asked me out for sushi. I bought a new pretty blue dress and I was so excited for our date... it wasn't exactly the best date of my life, but I won't elaborate. What got me was how different he was and how off he seemed. I figured it wasn't my business to pry, so I just made small talk. When I met him, he spoke so easily to me, but on our date I had to keep up conversation. Needless to say, we only talked a little more after that. Then he disappeared again.
Today I decided I was going to delete him off of my facebook, considering the lack of communication between the two of us.. Upon reaching his page, I was painfully devastated to see the obituary for him posted on his wall... At first I didn't believe it.. but the condolences and 'rest in peace' and 'you seemed so happy' messages confirmed it. He's gone.
I spent this last month telling people about our, not-so-great date and basically not appreciating that I knew him at all...
I learned a few things from this...
Everyone you meet is important.
He made that night in November so special for me, and will always be the one who noticed me in the crowd of beautiful girls in beautiful dresses.
When you see something off, ask about it.
I don't, for one second blame myself for his death, I didn't know him too well, but when I noticed he didn't seem all there I could've easily said 'Hey, you okay?'.. maybe told him a bit about my depression issues and help him open up.
Things happen to you for a reason.
I'm one hundred percent convinced that our date wasn't the best for a reason. If it had been wonderful, I would've probably continued to date him... and where would he be now? Probably still gone... and I would just be broken. I have my fair share of problems, and as much as I don't believe in any god... there was something watching over me.. and at first I thought 'why do I get the good end of the stick, and he has to die so young?'... then I realized that it may have been a sort of relief for him.. in which case, it is what it is.
Nonetheless I'm in a state of mourning.
Even though we weren't very close, I was, at one point, head over heals for him and he was my friend... I will wear my pretty blue dress that I bought for our date and think of what a wonderful young man he was...
Isaac,
Thank you for noticing me. That night in November all I was thinking was how unwanted and unloved I was, and how no one was going to give me the time of day, and then there was you. Who sat at our table and chatted me up, asked me to dance, and did so awkwardly and adorably. And I felt wanted, and beautiful. And you surprised me with the date, could've gone better, but again, I'm convinced that it was supposed to happen this way. Nevertheless, you were a wonderful young man, who I will miss. Wish we could've talked a bit more, or even hung out one more time... This is unreal, I hope you're resting peacefully. Sayonara tomodachi.
Yours,
AM
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