Still horrid.

Still in grade 13, still boring as hell, still doing nothing, still worrying about college, still procrastinating. Only difference now is that I've been doing A LOT of reading, I'm in a play, and I rediscovered my love for Bakugan (but still won't brawl with Natasha, because that is not the way of the ninja Shun.)

Speaking of Natasha, we went to the mall on Saturday.. we made Rory Williams and Amy Pond build-a-bears, and did tons of fun shopping. There's an Angry Birds bandaid on my thumb because my sister INSISTED I switch my plain bandaid for a better one..

There is a group of 16 year old IMBISILES behind me playing with a ball in a TECH CLASS... HOW FUCKING STUPID CAN YOU BE!?! I WANT TO YELL AT THESE KIDS. OH GOD THANK YOU TEACHER WALKED IN 8D much happiness now.

Nope, I lied, still depressed.

That's it, I'm putting headphones in.
Ahh, much better. ALL SOUNDS CANCELLED OUT... only Glee now.

I don't even know.

Grade 13 is possibly the worst mistake of my life... (to say the least)
I do absolutely NOTHING.
So far my first and second period teacher (yeah, one guy teaches both classes) has DEMANDED me to sit at a computer and litereally do whatever I want. As amazing as that sounds, it's causing me to become bored as fuck. I could do 'whatever I want' at home, but Facebook and Youtube wouldn't be blocked like they are here. But my teacher refuses to let me drop his classes because he's convinced that I won't come to morning announcments, and he's quite right, if given the chance to sleep, I take it like a golden gift of the gods, and he knows that. (I've known him for years now, and he's my sister's friend's older brother).

So my prime sources of entertainment these passed days have been listening to Demi Lovato's new album on Soundcloud, my tumblr, and my Remus Lupin RP tumblr. I'm pretty sure I'm going to apply to be Lockheart or Lucius in another RP because I have shit to do, and they're both pompus and probably a shit-ton of fun to RP... Ouu if I go for Lucius, I get a pre-set girlfriend~ Come at me Narcissa *wiggles eyebrows* She's hot as hell.

Okay, i'm going off on a tangent, I just stop now.
Good-bye cruel world, I'm off to write an audition for Lucius Malfoy~

IDK

I really don't know why i'm still in high school.
I'M A GRADUATED STUDENT.
I SHOULD BE IN UNIVERSITY.
I hate it here and I want to...ugh not even going to finish that statement.

What sucks even more is that I have no friends and that Natasha is in University.
I went to visit her and sat in on one of her classes, it was worth it.
I loved it, although I still feel that I belong at Sheridan.

What worries me the most is that I probably won't get into Sheridan for Animation and I'll have to settle for Illustration (which isn't so bad, it could be worse). *sigh*

I'm going to go be Remus Lupin in the roleplay I was recently accepted into...

Summer 2011

For photography I had to find a photo which represents my summer and write a paragraph about it.. so I used a pretty picture of fabric.

                                      Summer 2011, how to define thee?

            My summer was spent slaving away at my mundane workplace, which disguises itself as an exhilarating haven for quilters and seamstresses everywhere, Fabricland. The land of fabric stole away my summer as I woke up at 8:00 am every morning only to find myself working long 9-5 shifts in the most dusty and allergy-inducing building on the planet. On the plus side, the fabric is pretty, which is why I chose this photo to represent my fabricland-filled summer ‘vacation’. The entire focus of the photo is on the neatly folded, aesthetically pleasing pile of textiles, which brings about a certain cleanness and freshness in the photo (although, ‘clean’ and ‘fresh’ are hardly two words to describe Fabricland). Another element used particularly well in the photo is colour, I’m automatically drawn to the warmness of the browns, reds, oranges and yellows, and it makes the photo that much more enjoyable. Something I quite take pleasure in is the contrast between the cool colours of the background and the warm fabrics which become the heart of the photo. Unfortunately, holidays spent working with elderly women in a frozen tundra of a building, with people asking idiotic questions like, “Do you sell fabric?” is not an ideal situation for me. So I’d like to steal away to a place where my summer was spent folding delicate cloth in a bright, temperate, building with large windows that let the sun burst through to brighten the faces of everyone present as well as my own mood. Ultimately, I chose this photo not quite to represent my summer, but to represent what I wish it was.

-A

So many feelings..

Lately I've just been so.. overwhelmed.
Let me rant...
I feel upset about harry potter ending, all the time, confused because lately I've been loving the idea of having kids one day, horrible because I'm in love with 14 year old British actor Bertie Gilbert... I'm four years older than him, angry about Morgan and her indecisiveness with me, frustrated with Richard's amazing compliments and how they make me feel, torn because I want to write this, but I have to pee, tired even though I want to type out more stuff for Natasha and my Harry Potter next generation, pointless because no one will read this, depressed because my friends won't even make an effort to talk to me, even worse because my writers craft friends have planned a picnic on a day i'm working and don't care enough about me to reschedule, exhausted because I work so much, annoyed because my computer keeps blue-screening, nervous because I have an interview with some art lady soon, anxious because i'm waiting for a quota on how much it will cost to publish my book with a company, scared because I haven't started on my portfolio for college yet, ugly because i'll be competing against two tiny blonde girls at a pageant soon, overwhelmed because my mind is trying to think about all of this at once when I just want it all to stop.

Nope..

i am NOT flirting on tumblr with a girl i've never met who has a girlfriend. i am NOT.

Nope..

Brave.

You go to fight for love like a soldier
I wanna run away
You're never scared to walk through the fire
I wish I had your faith
I turn away
Knowing my heart could break
I'm so afraid to fall and surrender
I'm not brave
I'm not brave 
♪

These Words.

make me feel beautiful. and blessed to have such a beautiful best friend.


*who the fuck are you?
you're (name is redacted)
you don't even need to pratice for beauty pageants and you win them
you are a winner, in a winners body (even if you think it looks like a loser, it obviously wins over everyone, me, stephen, the judges, your MOM!) so stop being a baby and thinking this is all beyond your control, because you can control everything YOU CAN TURN LIGHTS ON IN DREAMS

*so turn one on in your head and get through this

for you...

_______says:
*That means a lot to me, really..
Just always thought you were too busy for me o.o
'cause i misses you..
I  say:
*despite the fact that i work so much, and now i'm learning to drive, and i have actual difficult classes i need to keep up with, and a confusing life in general... i'll never be too busy for you

_____________________________


_______says:
*I understand ish gonna be busy for you now but, knowing that, i'm okay with it all.  n_n
Just knowing you still do, is...yes o.o
I say:
*still do what?
_______says:
*Hopefully, thinks of me. n_n
I say:
*a lot more than you imagine.

___________________________

some words changed for the sake of attempting to keep names confidential.
*sigh*

yep.

I need to stop playing with that poor girl's feelings.

i'm sorry.

_______

i've been listening to a lot of Sia... and dubstep lately
good stuff

_______

i won a beauty pageant on sunday, i got a pretty crown

_______

good night.

Those who fly high.

"Those who fly high
Fall the hardest."
But they still flew.
They spread their wings and plunged to their freedom.
They escaped the overwhelming safety of their nest.
They experienced the greatest...
because they flew so high!
They felt the cool wind though their feathers,
and the gentle carress of clouds.
Breathed the freshness of the sky,
They answered their call to fly!
Even though they fell so far,
they're not afraid to reach the stars.
So next time you see me fly so high,
Fear not, for I shall not die.
Even if I fall so hard,
I still Flew.
And it was the best I knew.


my thoughts on a quote often spoken by my father when he believes that i'm taking 'advantage' of my freedom..when in reality.. i'm just living..